The Stories We Live By: How Life Scripts Shape Our Leadership
We all have stories we tell ourselves.
That thought struck me recently while reading the biography of Chris Froome - four time winner of the Tour de France - who has a back story growing up in Kenya that would make your hair stand on end. It’s one of those life stories I find myself drawn to again and again. I love reading about how people became who they are. The choices they made. The patterns they repeated. The moments that changed them.
And it reminded me how often our own stories go unnoticed - not the ones we write down, but the ones we live out. Quietly, subconsciously. Day after day. Stories about who we are, how the world works, and what’s expected of us. These stories often start early - shaped by family roles, school experiences, career feedback - and become deeply embedded scripts that run, quietly and persistently, in the background of our adult lives.
We all have stories we tell ourselves. Most of the time, we’re not even aware of them.
But they’re there - influencing how we lead, how we relate to others, and how we feel when things go wrong.
Scripts That Serve Us — Until They Don’t
These life scripts often begin with good intentions. They’re our brain’s way of making sense of the world and keeping us safe. At their best, they can help us stay focused, achieve goals, or meet the expectations of others.
But at their worst?
They can trap us in patterns of behaviour that no longer serve who we are - or who we want to become.
When I coach leaders, I often see this play out in how they show up at work:
👉 Taking on too much.
👉 Avoiding conflict.
👉 Needing to be the expert.
👉 Over-controlling.
👉 Seeking approval.
👉 Burning out quietly.
These aren’t random behaviours. They’re patterns - rooted in old beliefs about who we should be.
My Script: Be Perfect
For me, one of those scripts was: Be Perfect.
I was the “academic one” growing up. The “smart one.” The one who “doesn’t suffer fools gladly.”
At some point, I internalised that message and made it my identity. I pushed to live up to a label I didn’t ask for - Goldenballs (long before Beckham, I might add).
So I performed. I worked hard. I strived to be right, to be the best, to correct every mistake (grammar included).
And honestly? It was exhausting. And isolating.
When life got messier - redundancy, bad job decisions, toxic leaders - the script tightened its grip.
I blamed myself. I tried harder. I carried it all alone.
And it made me sad. Very sad.
What Helped Me Change
Two things helped.
Both involved talking.
🗣️ One was sharing - with friends, with my wife, with people who cared. Saying things out loud made them feel less heavy. More workable.
🧭 The second was coaching.
Not the fluffy kind. The real kind.
The kind that helps you unpack why you feel what you feel, why you behave the way you do - and most importantly, how you can choose a different story.
Because you can choose a different story.
What’s Your Script?
You might recognise one of these:
Be Strong – You hold it all together. But what if vulnerability is your next strength?
Please People – You’re always supportive. But what if you challenged more?
Hurry Up – You’re fast and efficient. But what if you slowed down and listened more?
Try Hard – You go the extra mile. But what if effort isn’t the only thing that earns value?
Be Perfect – You strive for excellence. But what if you accepted imperfection as growth?
Scripts aren’t flaws. They’re strategies. They’re trying to take care of us.
But sometimes, they overstay their welcome.
A New Story Starts With Awareness
The real power comes when you pause and ask:
“What story am I telling myself right now?”
“And is it still helping me?”
Because with awareness comes choice. And with choice comes the ability to lead - not just others, but yourself - with greater freedom, clarity, and kindness.
If this resonates, and you’re ready to explore what’s shaping your leadership style, I’d love to help.
📩 Click ‘Get in Touch’ - let’s talk about your script, and the next chapter you want to write.
